Skip to content

    You’re Not Supposed to Talk About This (But We Want You To)

    August 23, 2019

    As early as our childhood, we’re discouraged from talking about money.

    “Mom, how much do you make?” “That’s rude. Don’t ask.”

    “Dad, how much did our vacation cost?” “That’s rude. Don’t ask.”

    “Hey, Billy. How much did your brother pay for his car?” “That’s rude. Don’t ask.”

    Sound familiar? If we’re constantly told to never ask questions about money, is it any surprise how many people have trouble managing it as they get older? 

    For women especially, the idea of discussing money seems to be extremely taboo: 61% would rather talk about their own death.[i]

    But instituting a complete blackout of all money conversations – either due to embarrassment, intimidation, or the urge to uphold social norms – can do more harm than good. If you don’t talk about money (or investing, or retirement), how can you expect to learn? To grow? To gauge how your own situation is faring? To know what to ask a financial advisor?

    With a crisis in retirement preparation, it’s time for a new approach. It’s time to start opening up and having frank discussions about money.

    Yes, we want you to shatter the taboo.

    Open Up

    Don’t understand money, investing, or how to go about saving more for retirement? It’s normal to be worried about looking foolish.

    What’s tragic is paying for your silence later because you were afraid to ask hard questions. 

    Talk with your family, your friends. Talk about your mistakes. Talk about your goals. Ask those questions you think are too silly to ask (we promise you, they’re not too silly).

    As you share, you’ll hopefully learn as well. Your financial confidence will increase. And this is key, particularly for women: on average, women retire with two-thirds of the amount of savings and investments that men retire with – and they generally live longer than men – so a lack of financial confidence can become a very serious problem.[ii]

    How can you get started? The next time you’re with a group of trusted friends, take the initiative. And this doesn’t mean asking how much everyone makes. Instead, consider questions such as:

    • Are you saving enough to get your 401(k) match?
    • Does your work offer a Roth 401(k)?
    • Has anyone opened a Roth IRA?
    • Does anyone have tips for helping the kids pay for college?
    • Is there a money stressor you’re worried about right now?
    • What’s everyone’s dream for retirement?

    The only way you’re going to feel empowered enough to make financial decisions for yourself down the line is if you’re educated – or, at the very least, comfortable enough to ask the not-so-comfortable questions.

    Working With An Advisor

    Having a strong sense of financial confidence extends beyond yourself as well; it will also help determine if a financial advisor is treating you fairly.

    First, there’s ‘fairness’ as it relates to the advisor’s responsibilities to you, their client. You need to have the confidence to ask the right questions when selecting an advisor. These include:

    • Are you a fiduciary who’s legally obligated to always work in my best interest?
    • What are your credentials?
    • Do you think there are differences in the way men and women should prepare for retirement?
    • Are you registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission?
    • How are you paid?
    • How often will I hear from you and meet with you?

    If you don’t understand something, ask again. If the advisor sidesteps a question, ask again. Stick to your guns.

    Second, there’s ‘fairness’ as in ‘equality.’ But unfortunately, 44% of women who are their household’s main income earner generally feel as though financial advisors treat women differently than men.

    Why does this happen? It’s likely a combination of a financial advisor buying into gendered stereotypes and the fact that women only comprise 16% of the financial services industry.[iii]

    Additionally, consider this: 31% of newly-single women (either due to separation, divorce, or death of a spouse) who work with a financial advisor feel they are patronized. Among this group, half are considering finding another advisor.[iv]

    If you’re a woman reading this, you know you deserve better than an advisor with whom you don’t feel 100% comfortable. If you’re married to a woman and working with an advisor, ask her what she truly thinks of that advisor.

    The good news? There are a few ways to ‘vet’ an advisor for gender bias:

    • Does the advisor (or firm) have a standard planning process for all clients, regardless of gender?
    • If you’re meeting the advisor with your spouse or partner, does the advisor address both of you equally?
    • At the firm, are there female advisors and mangers?
    • Pick a financial topic and asked for it to be explained. Take note of tone and body language.

    Learning how to make smart financial decisions isn’t going to happen magically. But becoming comfortable talking about money, as well as learning how to find an advisor who understands your specific situation, is one small step in the right direction.

     

     

    [i] https://money.usnews.com/investing/investing-101/articles/infographic-investing-barriers-women-face

    [ii] https://blog.prosper.com/2017/10/06/talking-money-with-your-girlfriends/

    [iii] https://www.thinkadvisor.com/2017/01/18/only-16-of-advisors-are-women-cerulli/?slreturn=20190623094235

    [iv] https://www.planadviser.com/many-widows-divorcees-feel-patronized-financial-advisers/

     
    © 1993-2025, Allworth Financial. All rights reserved.

      Privacy Policy   |    Disclosures   |    Cookie Preferences   |    Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information

       

      Advisory services offered through Allworth Financial, a Registered Investment Advisor | Disclosures | Privacy Policy

      Securities offered through AW Securities, a Registered Broker/Dealer, member FINRA/SIPC. Check the background of this firm on FINRA's BrokerCheck.

      HMRN Insurance Agency, LLC license #0D34087

      1Barron’s 2024 Top 100 RIA Firms. Barron's© magazine is a trademark of Dow Jones L.P. The ranking of independent advisory companies is based on assets managed by the firms, growth, technology spending, succession planning, and other metrics.

       2 Retention Rate Source: Allworth Internal Data, FY 2022

      3 The NBRI Circle of Excellence Award is bestowed upon NBRI clients meeting one or both of the following criteria: Total Company score at or above the 75th percentile of the NBRI ClearPath Benchmarking Database and/or improvement of five (5) or more benchmarking percentiles in Total Company score over the previous survey. 

      4 As of 7/1/2024, Allworth Financial, an SEC registered investment adviser and AW Securities, a registered broker/dealer have approximately $22.5 billion in total assets under management and administration. 

      5 InvestmentNews 2020 and 2021 Best Places to Work for Financial Advisers. The ranking reflects survey responses and scores completed by both employers and employees. Employers report their organization’s workplace policies, practices, and demographics. Employees complete a survey designed to measure the employee experience. 

      6  2021 Value of an Advisor Study / Russel Investments

      7 Ranked 9th Top Wealth Managers By Growth in Assets in the U.S. from RIA Channel, 2022. RIA Database and RIA Channel are registered trademarks owned by Labworks, LLC.

      8 USA Today Best Financial Advisory Firms 2024. The ranking is based on the growth of the companies’ assets under management (AUM) over the short and long term and the number of recommendations they received from clients and peers.

      9 NBRI Best in Class Ethics 2023. The Best in Class level is bestowed upon clients performing at or above 90 percentile of the NBRI ClearPath Benchmarking Database.

      ✢ Scott Hanson, Investment Advisor 2005, 25 most influential people in the financial services industry. The ranking reflects 25 people who Investment Advisor magazine believes have had or will have the greatest influence on the financial services industry.

      ✼Pat McClain, InvestmentNews 2014, Invest in Others Community Service Award, presented to an advisor who has made an outstanding impact on a community through managerial contributions to a non-profit organization.

      †Financial Times, FT 300 Top Registered Investment Advisers, June 2019. The ranking reflects six areas of consideration including the company's years in existence, industry certifications of key employees, AUM, asset growth, SEC compliance record and online accessibility and calculates a numeric score for each company. 

      Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, CFP® (with plaque design) and CFP® (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board's initial and ongoing certification requirements.

      Important Information

      The information presented is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a comprehensive analysis of the topics discussed. It should not be interpreted as personalized investment advice or relied upon as such.

      Allworth Financial, LP (“Allworth”) makes no representations or warranties as to the accuracy, timeliness, suitability, completeness, or relevance of the information presented. While efforts are made to ensure the information’s accuracy, it is subject to change without notice. Allworth conducts a reasonable inquiry to determine that information provided by third party sources is reasonable, but cannot guarantee its accuracy or completeness. Opinions expressed are also subject to change without notice and should not be construed as investment advice.

      The information is not intended to convey any implicit or explicit guarantee or sense of assurance that, if followed, any investment strategies referenced will produce a positive or desired outcome. All investments involve risk, including the potential loss of principal. There can be no assurance that any investment strategy or decision will achieve its intended objectives or result in a positive return. It is important to carefully consider your investment goals, risk tolerance, and seek professional advice before making any investment decisions.